In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
