Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
