Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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