Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
