i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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