I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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