Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
