Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
