im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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