got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
