I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
