I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
