His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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