it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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