you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
