Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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