whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
