Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
