How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
