well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
