My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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