He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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