i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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