I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
