when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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