Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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