We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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