my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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