you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize