We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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