Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
