Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we're so committed to being not committed
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
