I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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