I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
