Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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