you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
