Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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