I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
