walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
