I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
