My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
