just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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