She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize