Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
