I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
