the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
