Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
