ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
