I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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