Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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