I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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