I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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