Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
