He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
