dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
