I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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