Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
