There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
