I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We are two peas in an std pod
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
