what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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