is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
