he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Quick, to the slutcave!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
