I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize