I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
