Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
